Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
