I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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