Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
