So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
