How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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