I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
