she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
