i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize