everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
