I love black thongs
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
