is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
