All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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