please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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