Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
