Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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