Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need to calm my uterus...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
