Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
