Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
