Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize