Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
