ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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