it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
