you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
