Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
