these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We are all done wearing pants today
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize