This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
