Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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