I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
