Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
