Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
