the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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