If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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