Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
