The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
