And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
