Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
