Even the bartender felt bad for me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
