Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
