You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
