the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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