This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
