just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
