Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
