Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
