I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Hippo gnu deer
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
