did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
