come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
