he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
