im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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