xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
