1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
