Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
