Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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