i think my tv is drunk
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
