I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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