So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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