Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
