3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
