It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
