community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
