i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
