have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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