It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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