Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
