ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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